It's funny how things can change over a day. I must be one of those people who can be in the blackest of moods and just suddenly pop out of it. I feel a lot more relaxed today, definitely not angry any more.

Turning point: probably seeing this verse from Proverbs 4v18 - The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter until the full light of day.

I like that verse. It reassures me that I don't have to be bursting with enthusiasm every moment of the day. At times the hope I have as a Christian seems very faint, at other times it's very strong. Even yesterday it wasn't as faint as it could possibly be.

I've said before on this blog that I don't blame God. I've never been one who says "Oh God why me?" My problems with death and suffering have tended in different directions; sometimes I am utterly terrified at the idea of dying. But the question of why God allows suffering has never seemed that difficult to me - well, I mean, I know that it's difficult, and I know that many people find it very difficult, and I understand why, but personally... it's just never been a huge issue, because I've always been able to see that God is good and that God himself weeps for those who are suffering. It's like this quote from The Magician's Nephew, by C. S. Lewis:

But when he had said "Yes," he thought of his Mother, and he thought of the great hopes he had had, and how they were all dying away, and a lump came in his throat and tears in his eyes, and he blurted out:
"But please, please - won't you - can't you give me something that will cure Mother?"
Up till then he had been looking at the Lion's great feet and the huge claws on them; now, in his despair, he looked up at its face. What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his whole life. For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion's eyes. They were such big, bright tears compared with Digory's own that for a moment he felt as if the Lion must really be sorrier about his mother than he was himself.